Daddy's girl!

In which I explain the reasons that my Dad has earned more respect today than in his whole life combined.


Today I told my Dad my plans. I tried my hardest not to freak out before hand. I plunged myself into skyrim for a few hours to try and take my mind off it. Before I left the house to meet up with him I felt a surge of confidence (or possibly adrenalin). I was all kinds of early and kept begging my brain not to let the random confidence boost fade away.

Dad arrives at our meeting place and immediately offers to take us for some food. I suggested it might be wise to hear at least the first part of what I had to say. We sat and I offered him my opening line. "Dad, as soon as it becomes possible to do so, I intend to live the rest of my life as Holly". I don't believe I said it quite as rehearsed as it comes across, but the point was made. I have agonised about how he will react. A few people have suggested I prepare for the worst. As I noted previously, Mum had made it quite clear I should expect a bad reaction.

Dad took it like a champ! His initial reaction was exactly what I expected. A shocked look, a few words and a big hug. He asked me how long I'd felt that way and a few other things and I explained to him. He remained calm the whole time, although I don't think he quite knew how to react. We decided to go and eat anyway.

During our meal, I explained to him the transition process. We talked about what he thought of the whole thing and he made some jokes. He decided that the hardest part for him wouldn't be the new name, or the look. The hardest part would be that in his head I would be his "little boy" and it would take a long time to change that. He explained that for whatever reason when he thinks of my brother and I, we are still little in his mind. I don't know why this is and neither does he. It's a trait we share with him! People never seem to age in our heads! I am quite happy with this, he can take all the time he needs. The important part is he recognizes that fundamentally I will ALWAYS be the same person he has known and loved since I was born.

We discussed how we might break it to his parents. He even offered to be the one to tell them. This offer amazed me. I had thought, quite wrongly, that Dad might try and suggest I just don't do it around them and keep it hidden or might try and not take a side, or edge towards their side. But no. He chose a side. MY side. He is prepared to look his parents in the eyes and say My son is becoming my daughter and I support it! I hope you do too! and risk whatever the backlash is.

At one point he nearly burst into tears. Not because of what I had told him but because of something he had done to me. He says he regrets it more than anything else. He didn't let me come to his wedding. I had forgiven him for that long ago, but we have never discussed it at length. He told me how awful he feels about it and how he cries when he thinks about it. I know my Dad, he is like me. It takes a LOT to get us crying. If we are crying about something you bet your arse it is serious. He even asked "Do you forgive me for it?". If I hadn't forgiven him, he had more than made up for it during the course of our conversation. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was more than forgiven.

We talked for a while longer and he gave me a ride back to the train station. As I said goodbye and got stepped out of the car, he simply said "See you soon Holly!". I don't think I need to explain how amazing those words felt. I almost fell back into the car when I heard it. All I could say was thank you. I've had a smile on my face since then that shows no sign of going away.