You know how sometimes someone says "well why don't you..." and you come up with a million reasons it's a bad idea? How many times did you ever actually try it? If you're anything like me, the answer is not many, if you ever tried it at all. In this case, the advice in question came from my therapist. It concerned what he called the "balance of power" between my mum and me. Specifically, I thought that she knew I was bisexual because she had obvious privacy issues and went through my room once. Now I still don't know if I was accurate in this assumption and I don't care. But my therapist advised me thus:
"Just tell her. Then you don't have to worry about IF she knows. You KNOW she knows because YOU told her."
Now I came out with many reasons not to do this and put it off for a while. Frankly, after her reaction I really wished I hadn't bothered but after thinking it through over the course of a few weeks it turns out it was a good thing to do. I didn't have to worry about her finding out.
Now this issue obviously came around again in a much more serious way. I can't help but notice I dealt with it badly when I told mum, a mistake I don't plan on making again. As I have noticed over the last few weeks, work has been difficult. Not because my job is hard or I don't like it, but because I feel like I have to suppress Holly. I don't know why. It was starting to affect my work because I spent a lot of time worrying about it. What if the family I work for won't let me work any more? What if they hate me for it? Today, I took my therapists advice. After all, eventually they would find out. Eventually, when I can be Holly inside and out ALL the time they will HAVE to know. So I told the father, who shall be known as 'Nils' from here on out. I have spoken of Nils before and wondered where his thoughts lie on such things. I have known him to use some very un-PC language, some downright derogatory. But I thought to myself, even if he goes for the worst and says I can no longer work for him, I would rather know about it now than when I have to deal with everything the changeover brings.
I'm going to take this opportunity to thank my therapist, who will never read this most likely. Thank you!
Needless to say the advice was good. It wasn't 'inspired' or 'complex' or even something you need training for, but he got me to trust him enough to take it seriously. It worked.
I told Nils, and his reaction was great. I opened with "So as soon as it becomes possible, I intend to live the rest of my life as Holly!". To which he said simply "Oh, really?". He then told me how brave a decision it was and how he could be sure that they (his family) would stick by me. He is very fond of telling people how when it really comes down to it, you find out who your real friends are. I am pleased to discover he is one of ours. At one point he questioned if he would be able to employ me after the change because of social services. Then almost immediately he said "Hang on, that would be backing down like a coward AND discrimination! Sod that, you stay!"
I don't expect most people to react this way (although currently the majority have) but it is nice to see that those people I care about have so far been able to see through a complex issue and identify the important parts and still care about me!
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